I really don't mean to critisise.I am a human walking on the same firm earth...I have fallen to the depths of mistakes that a human is capable of.I am "the chief sinner"...as it were.I realise you are young...and were raised in a different era...and that your peers...(I imagine) have different interpretations of love,relationship,and sex.......That all being said..you mentioned shame in your initial post:yet...my interpretation ...personally was not a shameful heart.You mentioned the term "love"....again...I do not intend to criticize.....Love in fact means a variety of things to many people.Personally...for me...it means ...sacrifice....endurance....desire to share your heart....time...feelings...trust...body...good / bad times.....treasuring a person whilst they are of lowly disposition as well as elevated...and a tremendous amount of other things.I dare say that what developed between the two of you was an enticing fascination,both mentally/physically....a very heated risk opportunity....and undoubtably will become a very transient semi-lingering affair.I would severely doubt you were the first to be lured to his bed...or the last.I have no issue with intimate relationships which playfully explore any and all aspects of sexual format.What I find disturbing,is the fact...you knew he was married...went to his house...lay in his wifes bed....and shared your self there...under those circumstances.12/1...it was "love"....12/6...you are "moving on".Still not judging.I give you my word.I think it'd be healthy for you to step back and dissect this situation...and the thought process you walked through in regards to this entire situation.On the very exact day of your initial post you further stated ..."the relationship thing is not for me"...those particular thoughts were felt and subsequently transcribed to posting in a matter of (3) hours ...no less.You made the statement that you felt disgusting afterwards.Why?....What part disgusts you?I dont understand that.Cause if you're gunna do somethin like bed a man...do it to the hilt...knowing it was well thought out...deeply desired and mattered ...is that what was lacking?That is sounding like an extreme impulsivity impairment on your part.I personally have been married since 1989.I worshipped the ground this man walked on.Waited on him hand and foot.Wrote him poems...took excellent care of him when he arrived from work (not always)...never even "thought" to need another man.Til' Recently I had some emotional/mental issues.I was soothed and comforted by a person.I reveled in it.I awoke to truths I had stuffed for years.Began uncovering things I hid from me even knowing.What he'd done to me...to my kids...whatever.Different complexity entirely.I spent 21 years being the thread that held the fragile fabric of my marriage together...and my pastors daughter 'while I was on a respirator' came to him and decided to share herself with him,while I was in a coma.I tell you this cause....if his wife beckoned you in...or was ok with it fine...or if the desires you embraced occurred over a deeper span of time...and your love was terrifyingly deep and you fell...ok My point is...examine..the why...the sharp shift of your thoughts and the aftermath of it all in your heart/mind.Figure what you'd do different,and why.I realise ...for me...that devotion,"lifelong" and "full acceptance" from someone is mythical.Being the affectionate caretaker that I am leaves an empty place in my life I hope I dont fill with the wrong person and I too must step back and examine my stance.I am in the process of divorce atm...and am on shaky ground.Never been alone.Never wanna be.I was meant to share everything with another human.I wish us both to be fulfilled in our journey....((((Ein))))