I love the idea behind Christmas, which is spending time with friends and family and celebrating faith, but I hate the gift giving part. My husband is laid off, and it's just me with a single income and this year has been rough enough... now I have to magically find a lot of money for gifts for my husband's nephews who are greedy little $ hits. I'm just very thankful that I have a lot of friends and family who know that I'm struggling, and they don't expect gifts.

I miss being young, and going to Church on Christmas eve with my family, sitting next to my mom, who had a lot of health problems, and just laying my head on her shoulder, smelling her perfume (Le Jardin... I buy it for myself but only wear it on special occasions), and listening to her sing Christmas carols. THAT is Christmas to me. But since I've been with my husband, I have YET to go back to church on Christmas eve. I've told him that I miss it, but I don't complain that I WANT to do it, and not drive 4 hours to see his sister and her family....

I think I dislike Christmas because I never get to do what I want to do for Christmas -- stay at home; relax; build a fire; lay on the couch; and sometime during the day, visit my Mom's grave and tell her Merry Christmas. Nowadays, I have to put on a happy face, give in to the commercialism and go buy gifts for kids who won't play with the toys past the first 3 hours of opening it, and pretty much be 100% fake.

I wonder if I can double up on my celexa this year.....