I'm balling my eyes out as I write this post. My heart is breaking in two. He's always called my house home, but he's going to his "real" home.

The child that I've nurtured as my own for over a year is now going home to his mama and daddy...a better mama and daddy. For a good period of time, they weren't able to see him very much at all. They've been steadily increasing and complying with all requests. The last few weeks he's spent 4 days there.

Regrets? None! I changed my entire world for him and would do it all over again...even to feel the pain that I'm feeling now. I kept a child safe, nurtured, happy and ok...all the things his daddy and I didn't have.

Here I sit, with my little man going "home" and have given up my career, changed my entire home and life and I'm feeling quite lost.

This is a good thing for this little man who bonded with his mama and daddy and always wanted more of them. This is one of the saddest, but rewarding days of my life. This is a day of thanksgiving, right? I'm thankful me and mine could be there for him. I'm thankful he's beautiful, bright and ok. I'm thankful for alot. I hurt too.

This is what I wanted for this perfect little man, yes? He came to me one month before his second birthday and had night terrors and couldn't sleep well. He was my 41st surprise birthday present. He rocked my world in so many ways! I helped him to feel secure, safe and soon emerged this happy go lucky little man! There was a period of time where he didn't want to be away from me and would scream, but he's so secure now that he glows no matter where he's at. This was my goal...my dream for a scared, hurt baby. Now he's a happy little man.

He will still be with me two to three days a week and "meemee mom" will always be available and watching like a hawk. My little man is a happy baby, and I helped. I will continue to help. My "mother's heart" is broken, even though I'm happy for him and the entire family.

Thanks for listening.

KD