Find a Professional to talk to... to uncover the real truth. It will be painful. (I'm not sugar coating it) But in the end, it will help. I felt the same way only it was with something totally different, I was searching for a way out. Even in the safeist place, I wasn't really safe.... from myself. But a few years later, I look back and say it saved my life. I'm still working through things, and somedays it's really hard, and yes I still look for other ways to SI just like you. But I Choose not to do them. I choose to not follow those urges. Becuase what really is behind it, is PAIN, Mental Pain, My Past. Things I don't want to remember. It's painful, as a procces, but it has to be dealt with. I look forward to the day when I have a Professional to work with. TO get through this.... to stop looking for new ways to SI.

You can choose to do something else. Yoga, Run, Put a Puzzle together, Clean, do what ever else helps. And don't issolate yourself. Be around people, who prevent you from SI'ing. You an do it, You can choose to change.