WATC, maybe you are doing too much work too fast? Have you stopped writing? Maybe it is time for distraction now? Very good of you to want to tackle this, though. Can you contact your therapist?

You are most likely feeling the way that you are now because by focusing on all of this right now you brought back the feelings that you had during these times in the past. You are a grown woman now but the feelings that you are bringing back are from a child who wasn't equipped to handle what she had to handle (and even an adult would struggle but it is harder for a child).

To do this past work you need to be ready with a plan that you have worked out with your therapist. Your therapist can help you with all of this.

Can you ground yourself in the present right now and try to put a lid on the past? Some people visualize a box that they put all of the past thoughts into and then they put on the lid. Grounding yourself in today is focusing on your surrounding. Look at the colors around you, listen to the sounds, etc. What can you do to keep yourself busy and remind yourself that it is today and not the past? Going through the past is important but you need to go slow and prepare yourself with the help of your therapist.