madisgram,

Thanks for your message. I agree that I need to treat both the depression and the alcohol...or at least just stop drinking for good. I just think that if I could work without problem, I could make money and start having a life...but I sabotage myself. Well, I don't know if I sabotage myself. People in my life use that term as if I want to ruin my life. I don't want to ruin my life, but if you don't think you're life will ever get better, I guess it can look like self-sabotage to someone else.
I'm glad you are feeling relaxed and better these days with the treatment. I hope I am better someday.

Z