Who am I??? What's it all about Alfie?????? This is THE question, isn't it? Growing up in a very unpredictable envionment, never knowing when "the other shoe" was gonna come outa nowhere and kick me in the guts.... getting blamed and punished for things I hadn't done..... having absolutely no feeling of control over anything by controlling my own behavior, it was like trying to figure out who i was in a hurricane...... good luck.

A few years ago I realised that one of the greatest gifts my shrink was giving me was a point of stability: She held still. She always gave me respect and consideration and an ear and, and, and... She didn't be one way one visit and another way another. She was consistant, I could triangualte my self off her, plus off "the world" to learn to recognize my own position in the whole. A steady mirror. Rare in my life.

Once, I was soooo excited.... I'd found a friend I'd lost 40 something years ago. I was bursting with the good news, Oh, man, I just wanted to share my excitement, so I called to leave her a message.

WELL, of course, I got her machine which I totally expected, The thing that took me to another world was her message : to the effect that she was out of the office for a week AND SHE DID NOT WANT ANY MESSEGES LEFT ON HER MACHINE !!!! I was crushed, ready to be so disappointed, talk about popping my bubble...... when her voice continued with this phrase: "But, I will be glad to see you when I return" OH boy oh boy, did I need to hear those words. I could breath again.

BOUNDARIES -- she had them. WWhhhoooeeee, now I WAS IMPESSED. Man, I was reeling with impressed. Boundaries. It's all about boundaries. Knowing ourselves, knowing our needs and limits and respecting them in ourselves and acting on that info with confidence....... I was in a new world of understanding.

I wanted to do something, make her something to express how big this was for me and thank her for providing the place for such learning, so I made her a yellow ribbon, like they hang on champion horses, out of plastic CAUTION tape, and glued the word BOUNDARIES down the middle in silver glitter.

I was a little shy about giving it to her, but held my intent together and carried off the presentation at our next session. WELL much to my suprise and delight, SHE was stuggling with HER boundaries in her own life and my gift was as helpful to her as her messege had been to me.
It's still hanging on her door. Yee haaaa!

Shakespeare said: Unto thine own self be true, and it shall follow as night follows day, thou cannot be false to anybody. (I modified it for clarity and to include women.)