Have you ever called a crisis hotline...but cannot answer their questions honesty because you KNOW they will send the cops to get you?

I am supposed to bring my lethal amount of drugs to this partial program tomorrow. I cannot. I cannot lose my hope, my plan.

I called the crisis line because I am struggling with this decision.

I don't know what my treatment team will do if I don't bring those drugs.

I am an educated woman, a previous high school English teacher...but I act like a child when I am around these people. I don't talk, I don't follow their requests, etc.

They gave me Sonata, Klonopin, Lamictal, and of course I have the 15,000 mg of Depakote. I immediately abused the Sonata and Klonopin. I just want peaceful sleep and to put my mind at rest.

From your experience, what do you think they'll do to me if I don't bring the drugs? What if I lie, say I don't have them, but bring them in case they threaten the hospital? What if it comes down to it and they give me no choice. If I admit that I lied, I wonder what their reaction will be?

Maybe I shouldn't even go...