I'm almost at the end of my second month off work due to a severe depressive episode. The first month (October), I literally don't remember at all. This month I have been getting used to the new meds and have some good days and some bad days, but overall and in an "apathetic" mode. Really hard to make myself do anything.

I began therapy 2 weeks ago. She has a very busy, established practice, so the next open time she had for our second visit is Nov. 29. I see my pdoc on Nov. 28. I told her I might have to go back to work on Nov. 29 depending on what my pdoc says. The T. said flatly that "You won't be going back to work; you're not ready and now you have me as another mental health professional so it has to be a joint decision between me and pdoc when you go back, so put down the date for our next appointment."

I felt really good about that as I only see my pdoc for like 15 minutes and all he basically does is ask how the meds are doing. My T. will have a much better grasp on my day-to-day functioning.

I have been seeing this pdoc for like 15 years and really like him; however, with this writing me out of work situation, he doesn't get the paperwork into my work HR in a timely manner which causes me TREMENDOUS anxiety. Each time I have had to fax/call his office and remind them to PLEASE get the paperwork in. Last time HR actually closed my file and it had to be reopened and reviewed due to this.

So, my T. told me to contact her for ~any~ reason before our next visit. I sent an email to her letting her know of the difficulty I have with the pdoc not sending the paperwork in on time and, since she told me at our first visit she had equal authority to write me out, could she take care of the paperwork or would it have to be done by my pdoc since he was the one who initially gave the orders.

T. called me back and to my great surprise said she had spoken to my insurance co. (one she says she deals with all the time and is VERY familiar with) and said she isn't considered my mental health professional of record until the 3 EAP visits are done. Then she said she "sensed" I didn't want to return to this job. I had already discussed that with her in our initial visit - that this job is EXTREMELY stressful and is likely a contributing factor to my illness, so I know I will need to look for another job soon, but didnt think it was right to do so while on disability leave.

T. said she was concerned that when I return to work, then shortly thereafter leave for another job that it would affect my record. HUH?!?!?!? I don't get that at all! I told her in the past when I experienced severe episodes, not knowing I could try for disability I just quit jobs and I was pleased that this time I was using the benefits I have and then when I'm well seek a better place to work. (Again, all of which I told her in our initial evaluation.)

Then she said that, even if pdoc sends me back to work, it should only be part-time and whatever happens "they" (I guess my work) can't deny my appointment with her on the 29th.

I am so confused and scared now. What she said on the phone sounds so different than what she said at our appointment. And I have NO idea what my pdoc will do. At this point, if he sends me back to work, I know that in a short time I won't be able to take the multi-tasking stress and would likely quit...and then have no income.

Ok, just needed to vent...I'm sitting here crying, scared, anxious...and just don't know what to do.