I agree w/ Rapunzel that it is best to have a qualified professional assess how you deal/feel with things.
BPD is very often miss dx. And, sometimes you can have many of the symptoms but really not suffer from it.
I fear being abandoned every day of my life.
I have dealt with suicidal feelings, attempts and cutting and being black and white for so many years now.
It can be so frustrating.
You have to hang in there. Do you have a T?
You can get relief....