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It does sound like your wife is in a state of crisis. She called you at work to fix it (which is irrational) and now she's trying to avoid it entirely by distancing herself from it. It's sad really, one of these days she's going to regret her actions, but it is a path she must take. The only mistake that you have made calling for help was feeling bad about it. Honestly what else were you supposed to do?
Right now the best thing you can do is set your own boundaries and goals. If you feel that therapy will help you, go! Do not let anyone manipulate you into staying in the rut that isn't working right now.
You speak a lot about her needs and desires, but what are your own? There is a fine line between enabling and supporting someone. Figure out what you really want then sit down and have a frank conversation with her. Not as an attack, but someone has to address the elephant in the room. Life is about priorities. If there is enough money for her to go out clubbing, then there is enough money to hire a babysitter and make time for the two of you.
I am a firm believer that people give up on their marriages entirely too easily. BUT it requires an effort from you both. Right now I suspect that she doesn't respect you. She's told you that she's met someone else and wants you to wait around to see how it plays out. She has issues, I understand that, but we are still responsible for our actions and must deal with the consequences. Until she reaches a point that she's ready to work on the real issues there is very little you can do for her. But in the meantime you can help yourself and your children.
People change. Every experience we have changes us. You are not the same person you were 10 years ago, but would you want to be?
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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