I'm not quite sure what this post specifically regards. Though, I want you to know that I have often felt that way in the past.

This post reminds me of two specific problems of eating disorders.
1. Too conflicted: Wanting to get better, but fear of not meeting the end goals. I often felt like I didn't understand anything at this time. My mind and body were always at war with each other and It took many many months for my rational brain to take over and help me understand the truth.

2. Physically not capable: Not enough nutrition to process information properly. Physically incapable of understanding things that normal people can piece together or process.

In either case, (or any other) I hope that you are taking this time to put your health first so that you can understand and make good choices again.

Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk through anything! or if you just want to keep posting on the forum, that will get others to respond as well.

<3