Sunrise - She says that I suck as a husband because I am not good at rescuing her. When she calls me at work to tell her how the kids are killing each other getting ready for school and not listening to her, she expects me to drop everything and race home to rescue her. When I get home everything is calm and there is nothing for me to do. She is usually still angry at the situation and finds tasks to do to keep busy, not liking to talk about it. When she cools off we talk about different plans to handle the situation, but with three young boys, they are a challenge. I've come home to the point where my boss has told me several times that I cannot just take off like that anymore. I've still taken off and continue to risk my job, but she feels that I am too important here and nothing would happen. Well, I probably am, but I feel like I have taken advantage of the situation already. Another thing she says that I fail at is when one she flies off the handle at one child when I'm home. I usually try to let her work it out with him because when I do get involved nothing gets resolved until she can calm down and we can talk. This is one of the areas she says I am unemotional because I try talk through it rather than scream and punish without thinking through it. She needs action immediately. I've noticed that I have tendencies to act like her towards the kids when she is more uptight so that she doesn't get involved. A preemptive strike if you will. Then I hear about how she doesn't like me treating the kids that way.
I do love her. I am a sucker for her because of the mood swings she can be so lovely at times. And I do believe that we can work through this. I am very optimistic and positive almost all of the time, and that drives her a little batty as well.
Galetre - you are absolutely right! We do need some one on one time alone. It is a very difficult problem when money is tight and family doesn't help and we have more than 2 children. I think that 2 is the max to ask friends to watch. We do have after school care that we have started to use more of lately. Gives us an extra hour or so together when i get home. But going out at night is tougher.
AAAAA - there is not enough money for her to go out. She is pretty good though, only spending 20 bucks or so. She is not clubbing, just hitting an upscale bar with dancing. Where I live, the babysitting rate is high, about $30 and hour for 3. We need to find some kind of balance.