I empathize with your strugglles. One thing that stuck in your post was - she requested an 'open marriage' - I don't mean to bring you down but that's a huge red flag. I think she could be emotionally cheating or desiring outside affection. I think she disillusioned with the marriage. Some people don't handle daily family stresses well. I think you and your wife need to have a nice talk and figure out if she wants to be in this marriage. You seem to be devoted and trying, but I hear you trying more. If she can spend $20 going out dancing, she should lower it down and instead put the money in a jar - and you it to go out together dancing.

It also sounds like there a child discipline problem. She shouldn't be calling you to come home early to handle the kids. The kids need consequences and she should be able to handle them. It's sounds like you're doing a lot more than she is and she seems like she has lost interest in family life. Do you go out with the guys?

Some couples have problems accepting the reality of daily family life. This can take a toll on romance and sometimes one partner will start craving outside attention. I think this is what's happening in your case. The open marriage thought is very concerning and I would focus on this - is she emotionally flirting with someone else or worse. If she's not willing to work on the marriage then you both could amicably split, but I would be very concerned about her being capable to take care of the kids. It seems like you're accommodating her too much and she's not participating enough as a mother or partner.