URGG... I guess I didn't have this undercontrol..... I did SI, but I don't think it was really me doing it, I think it was a dillusion. But besides that, I still did the SI, stilll caused pain. Still did damage, and I feel damaged.

I want to do it again..... this is not good. I......... want this all to be done with. I don't want these dillusions, I don't want to SI anymore, I don't want to be like this forever. I just don't know what to do..... I don't know... I don't like this at all.

I was looking forward to the pain of wisdom teeth removal but I have to wait for that. I dont' like this at all. I want more pain. I want to SI. I've never wanted it this bad. I hate change. I hate feeling like this. I hate headaches. I hate my life. I don't know what triggered all this except for the dillusion I though someone was talking to me via a light blinking. and So I SI'ed twice. GRRRRRR. Some one hlep me understand this.