This post was pretty much amazing. I know exactly how you feel. I am also very proud of your staying sober. I think it would be best for you to not go there this Christmas. It would compromise your health and that's not what you or anyone on this site wants to happen. I also wanted to say thank you for this post. It is a constant struggle (I will be 9 months sober tomorrow) but I have hope that I can stay clean and sober.