I'm not sure if I should continue on writing my feelings here, cause I feel that my feelings are not as important as others' here. Writing how I feel here makes me feel good and not so good at the same time. I feel good cause I get to release it, and not so good because I feel that it's repetitive and people are sick of hearing / readoing my problems. Don't you just hate it when you sleep in a bad mood, and it carries over in the morning? How would you like waking up in the morning, feeling all down and depressed? I'm sure others have felt like that, and I know what you guys are feeling. I just don't feel that I am deserving. Like a status I put in Yahoo just recently, "worthless, undeserving, forgettable, useless...in other words I am NOTHING".. it's exactly how I feel. Recently, my dad helped a cousin of mine get into the bank that he works at. She's smart, and she does good on her job, I am glad that my dad helped her, she's like a sister to me. I just didn't like the feeling that my dad is so proud of her, and he treats me like some stupid person always making mistakes. Hate it when he makes me feel that I'm stupid. Dagnammit, when can I be my old self again? Happy, joyful.. that's why my name's so perfect... " jollybutdepressed " .. ain't it grand. I'm not sure if I should even be sharing this thought, but what the hell, I'll still post this and it's up to you what you think.. I just need an outlet for me to release this stress and this feeling. I get tired of keeping it in.... I know I sound repetitive and seems that I don't do anything to change my life. Sorry for that. That's just how I am, and I am trying to change for the better... I NEED to grow!! And I can't do that here at home... FREEDOM instead of captivity.