I would say that my latest bout with depression has lasted 5 years. Sometimes, I think I should be better. I've tried many different meds. Some work for a while then stop. I've had a couple of "good" weeks here or there, but mostly the depression is constant.

I have done best when I lived alone (only going to necessary appointments), and had a therapist who supported me in doing that. Everyone else wants me to participate in the world, which leads to anxiety for me.

I worry that people don't believe me when I say that I still feel depressed and that I have been for 5 years.

I have what I consider 1 maybe 2 good days a week. When I feel good, I feel guilty because I think I should start doing all the things right then that I haven't been doing for the last five years so I don't really even enjoy my "good" days.

Yesterday was an above average day for me. Actually got a cover letter done for a job I'm going to apply for even though there's little chance I'll get it once they see I haven't done anything for 5 years. Mood is going down hill today. Beating myself up for being unreliable (due to depression), for all my past lies and mistakes. Feeling hopeless about the future.

Does it ever end? What's the point?