Thank you again everyone for your replies.

Yes I have been fighting this very hard and I have been committed to trying to get through this. Things just seem so much more complicated since I got out of the hospital. Before then at least I was still at work and handling my finances. Now after finally asking for help from the people around me and discovering that their wishes and promises were for the most part empty I don't know how much longer I want to continue trying to fight this knowing that I am doing so on my own with no support in the real world. And the idea that if I do succeed I will be in a new world where my ideas that my friends were so important to me have all been shattered.

Believe me I have done A LOT for my friends over the years and I never expected anything in return. And I don't feel like anyone owes me anything. But I do believe (at least I used to) in the idea of Karma and I always thought that if I ever needed anything that people would be here to help me. Not necessarily the same people that I had made specific sacrifices for, but that my network of friends would come through and the universe would provide what I need. That has all been blatantly shattered, as I find myself alone even after I've pulled up my bootstraps and made an effort to let people in and stop isolating myself. Not only is no one around but the people who made specific promises to be here for me all now can't be bothered now that I really need them. I'm not sure if this is the world I want to live in whether I am depressed or not. And especially in the state I am currently in I don't feel as if I have the strength within me to just drop my expectations and be happy with who I am even if I am alone. This is all such a 180 degree change for me it is very jarring to think about, because I used to love being on my own whenever the opportunity arose, but it is different choosing to be alone and choosing to ask for help and being denied.

--The world is what we make of it--
-- Dave
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