Hi Suzan,
Please, stop telling yourself that you're not strong enough because you are strong enough.
Can you find an activity you enjoy doing that'll keep you from thinking too much? I like to play my guitar when the wheels keep spinning. It may sound silly but I play the Beatles tune "Let it be" over and over again sometimes and it calms my mind.
I don't know what activities you like to do but there must be something to help you to refocus and deflect those crazy thoughts.
You're going to be all right. The holidays will be over with before you know it and then you'll have taxes to worry about! Yippee! Just kidding.
I think there are many people who give a crap. I hope you can think of them when you're feeling down and not feel alone.
Hang in there. You're going to be fine.
(((((((((((Suz)))))))))))))))