Here's a note, Jaded ... For a long time I've told people that the ones who suffer most from combat are the family members of survivors. The family of the dead have some kind of permanent results. Even though it is hard to deal with, there is some kind of closure in the death and funeral.

The families of survivors have so many unknowns to deal with, it becomes almost an impossibility. Physical wounds bring their own problems, helping the vet overcome the healing and recovery of the body. The mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual wounds are all hidden except for those manifested in the symptoms you see.

I'm facing those first therapy appointments so many years after "my war" that it seems ridiculous that these problems are coming to the surface. It took me a lot of years to learn how to hide the anger and rage and all of these other ptsd symptoms. But I learned t and for the most part became a very good actor.

Now that I face the first appointments, I fear revealing any of the underlying problems with the therapist or even my wife, for that matter. One of my symptoms over the years has been that I break off relationships with any friend or acquaintance who learns anything about the true me. And by extension, I fear that I'll do the same thing if my wife learns the details.

I've been told that the VA therapists want to interview family members, and I've already concluded that I won't permit those interviews. I don't want the therapist to have any discussions with my wife or children or anyone else about me. I'll change my "permissions" before the first appointment, sealing my records to any other person. And even at that, I'm fearful that the records are not very secure -- you ever heard of wikileaks? ... of course you have. You know that there is no such thing as a secret.

I don't know what to tell you about dealing with your vet other than that you explore something like the AA groups for family members. Your vet might change his mind about family therapy, but you have already seen that his first response is going to be "no." That might change with additional visits to therapists, but I have no experience with that, and you can see that my first response is also, "no." In my case my attitude is because I fear the consequences of all of that. I'd rather suffer on my own than to fracture that relationship. (I'm not saying there is any logic to any of this, simply that this is the case for me).

Prayers for your own success as well as for your vet ...

Troy