Hello everyone,

Your posts and comments mean a lot to me, thank you. I will let you guys know as much as i can about myself and the situation.

Im 19 my name is Carlos and like i mentioned ive been seeing a counselor and for the longest time i have held in some issues that i needed to talk about. When i started treatment with her in November our first two meetings i didnt go as into depth as our last one. The last time we met i revealed to her that i had been a victim of sexual abuse when i was young. It has left with many problems and i feel like the world is going to collapse on me as a result of finally dealing with the aftermath of those events. I didnt reveal all of the details yet because i wasnt brave enough and there wasnt enough time for me to gather the guts. Now i really wish i had done it already so i could have that over with, im really really regretting not doing so. I feel the pressure building up, i need to let her know soon. Im also afraid of whats going to happen after i tell her. However at the same time i am glad i at least let her know that i was in fact abused. She volunteers to help me on her own time which i consider a miracle as it is and i only get to see her once every two weeks, in between meetings i feel very anxious because i want to see her again quickly, and now that im about to reveal this very important thing i feel 10 times as anxious to see her again soon. I have 8 days til i meet with her again and it feels like an eternity. I do have her phone number and email and i do contact her through them, however i cant help but feel scared of being a burden or getting annoying to her, after all she helps me out of her own charity on her own time and does have her counseling job and family. So i try to only call when i have harsh panic attacks or email when i have smaller questions. I know that its probably wrong for me to feel ashamed like that and shes probably willing to help when ever i need it but i just cant shake the feeling out of my head.

Thankfully I have managed to contact someone that i will see tomorrow. Its a huge relief.

However i still cant let go of a preference for my original counselor. I really like her and i can really "work" with her very easily. I also have fear of disappointing her once i reveal and get to actually work on my issue, im not sure if im strong enough. Right now it feels like shes the only person in the whole world that i have and im really clinging on her for life if i disappoint her i have nothing else.


Im sorry if my post is disorganized but I did the best i could.