So, I got the cover letter done yesterday. Was planning to do the resume today. Woke up with anxiety (mutant butterflies in my stomach). Have had heart palpitations on and off throughout the day. Haven't started the resume.

Doing so means having to look at the failures in my life. How many different jobs I've had. How I've failed to keep those jobs. How few choices I have left in my life.

I'm having a hard time remembering the dates of some of my jobs and I'm struggling with how to organize things on paper. Do I go with a functional resume which focuses more on my past experiences and skills, but is sometimes seen as an effort to cover up an unstable work history (which it is) or do I go with the typical chronological resume which will show, without a doubt, that I've had an unstable work history? I'm tempted, even though I know it's wrong, to fudge (lie) about some of the dates. And, how do I deal with the issue of references if they ask for them. I am not in contact with any former co-workers or bosses and I quit most of my jobs (due to depression) so most of them wouldn't give me a good reference.

Everything is feeling overwhelming and thinking about both the past and the future leaves me feeling hopeless.

I've been writing on here a lot lately and hope that I'm not too much of a burden or seen as "attention seeking". I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my real life. I just discovered this place recently and it does help a bit to be able to say it and not just keep it inside.