Once again, I am stuck.
I just dont know what to do.
As said before, I feel numb, hopeless, worthless, scared, guilty and sometimes sad.

But now I've got another thing. Stress.
I've been stressed before, lost my hair because of it, then got more stressed because of the hair loss.

Why am I stressed? Because of the tonnes of work that I get set from college. I have no social life or anything, so homework and college is all that I do. And it feels pointless to do any of the work because I'm never going to get anywhere in life.
So a lot of the work I dont do, not just because i'm lazy, but because there isnt a point in it.
But then people dont understand that and they yell at you.

I would say I wish I was happy, but I dont believe that could happen.
Happiness?
Pah, there's no such thing as happiness.
I can neither remember being happy, nor can imagine being happy.
Yet, I'm the girl who puts on a smile, a laugh, and is seen as the constantly cheerful person.
Now if my smile and "happiness" are all an act, what is to say that everyone else isnt the same?
Is anyone happy?
No. Because happiness isn't real.

What I do wish for is to go back to before I was born or conceived. Before I existed.

I really don't belong in this world. I'm just wasting valuble air and resources and food (a LOT of food).
But what am I going to do about it?
Nothing. Because even death is pointless.
People would have to waste money on stupid things like funerals.
It would be more hassle than good for everyone else.

So I shall sit here, once again, and feel stuck and pained.
Thanks for listening to my rant again guys.