Can't sleep, all the time I am always up. I am afraid to go to bed I have nightmares and nothing helps I always end up crying myself to sleep or going to bed when it's daylight outside. I can't seem to get past my childhood sexual abuse I feel alone I feel depressed all the time. I try so hard to be happy and bubble for my friends and family, but I always have flashbacks constantly. Like I was recently out with my friend and we were standing in line and I started to scream I don't know if my mind went somewhere else or what can't remember but she was freaked out and so was I I was embarrassed and I am so upset with myself ugh I want to scream and yell and every problem that i have stems from this My cutting, Eating disorder ugh its exhausting like I am 21 and the last time anything happened I was almost 17 yrs old. I shld be over this, but I still continue to relive it everyday every night. I dnt want to do this anymore