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Originally Posted by Troy
Still not scheduled ... and thanks slinger, jd, and bebop for your remarks. Made me smile when you said you say it sounds like I have an amazing story to tell...a quick search for my posts will show that I have a rambling, self-centered story, one that is hidden from all of those around me, one that keeps H and I patrols across the back of my mind.
The new appointment isn't scheduled yet, and while I'd been both fearful and anticipating the appointment, I was going to go to the appointment and see what takes place. Now that it has been interrupted by the blizzard, I'm moving toward avoiding the appointment.
As a matter of fact, my squirrel-y brain is telling me to skip the appointment and avoid all future discussion of the issues. The thought crosses my mind that my continuing decline for the past couple years has come from these PC posts and chats. Wherever and whenever I reveal anything about my hidden self, I find that the friendships (or even acquaintances) are way too close for comfort - so I break the relationships and move on. Maybe it is exactly that "symptom" that causes me to think negatively about PC and all of the people who encourage me.
When I came to PC I resisted posting. I got too involved in reading about all kinds of other problems, and quickly spiraled down because it is in my nature to help other people, to solve problems, and it was evident that neither thing was happening. I was just absorbing the various problems. I took a break for several months. The only reason I'm back now is that I wanted to let a couple people know that I'd finally made those therapy appointments and was looking for support in keeping them.
And you can see -- I've gotten caught up in telling more about myself, again.
You vets know that we're built to "suck it up" and hide our emotions - all emotions. Just do the job. An no matter how hard it is or how long it takes, no matter what the consequences to ourselves, the mission comes first - just do it. And there's nothing in the training about how to survive after the mission is completed.
Sorry for the rambling post.
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Nothing rambling about your post. It's thoughts, very insightful thoughts I might add. Our body has an interesting way of protecting itself. The painful things that you have went through, every ounce of your being is telling you not to go to that appointment, it may even feel like a small relief when a blizzard comes.
Look at Psychcentral as a test, you are putting yourself out there, now vulnerable. You are getting multiple feedback and ideas. If criticisms are hard to deal with from other peers, and the idea of opening yourself up to strangers, maybe group therapy will not be a good thing for you. It may be that individual therapy is more ideal. Just an idea.
Ultimately, even if individual therapy would be more ideal, you would want to engage in groups in the future to re-build some of those trust issues that you speak of. Best of luck.