I find myself dreaming about divorce - ALOT lately. Divorce is the ONLY way I will ever get a break. This has become increasingly clear in the last few years.

We've been fighting for years. After my second child was born (4 years ago) I have been home ALL DAY EVERY DAY with very little time for myself. At the end of the day I am so drained I sit in a daze for a few minutes until I fall asleep.

My husband hates his job, hates his boss, hates his hometown ...on and on....he goes back to school...(never home, never helping) after 3 three years - finishes and decides he doesn't knkow what he wants to do when he grows up.

Our house is small and old - needs work. If I had to live here the rest of my life I would be happy. He HATES this place. It seems to be a reminder of our failures to him. He wants to move, then we wants to stay...on and on we go...never settled.

He harps on me to go back to work, then tells me I need to be home with the kids, or he tells me WHICH job I should get so as not to interfere with his schedule. When I tell him he will need to be home - so I can interview - that's a problem...

It has gotten to the point there I call him when I leave the house during the day and he asks WHY I am out and WHAT am I doing?

Whenever I open say something - he seems to stop me mid-sentence and give me the "lecture" because he always knows better. He tried to tell me last year what MY new years resolution should be.

He takes pride and continuing traits of his grandfather. He lived like a pauper, didn't have any friends when they were older, and his grandmother was controlled and MISERABLE. But it happened slowly over years...chipping away at her. Even though she openly admitted it and said after he passed away, she was finally able to live - he still worships that man.

I am no angel here...I shut down years ago. I don't bother to try and argue anymore. Unless you are going to help me with the kids in looking for a job - don't expect anything. I ran up debt that he just found out about. I advanced a IRS bill that I didn't tell him about - because I knew he would lose it - HE WAS THE ONE WHO DID THE TAXES!!!!! It was $20 at a time. Now it's alot. It was to buy groceries, kids clothes, and the necessities. After all - he makes the money and I am given $40 once or twice a month. If I need money I have to ask him!!! Since everytime he gies me the grand inquisition whenever I ask - I stopped asking and charged it! My $40 is supposed to fill in the grocery gaps each week, buy any clothes I need and all the other "extras" with the kids school.

I cut and do my own hair - have for the last 5 years. Have also been wearing the same clothes for the last 5 years. I NEVER spent money on things we didn't NEED. About once a year I would take the kids to the grocery store and let them pick out a few treats. How sad is it that I remember how fun that was?????

We don't do anything over the summer with the kids. ONE TIME - I took them to the beach with my family and I have regretted it ever since. He made it miserable and told me how resentful he was that we went. So our kids sit at home all summer bored - because if we enjoyed ourselves - he would make us all aware of how miserable he is at work and how HE provides us the ability to go out.

He puts on a nauseating show in front of our families. (My family knows better) I purposely ask for things while his parents are around - because I know he'll say "whatever you need" IT MAKES ME SICK! He makes it look like he's just the good, loving husband who's trying his hardest. I want to scream....

.....on and on we go.