LaraLynn makes some excellent points. It seems like you're at a point where you are ready to reach out; it's understandable that you would be afraid to talk to a doctor. Maybe call a hotline first? Whatever method you find to walk thru your fear and get treatment, do it - for your son and for yourself. Too many people put it off for too long and lose precious time with the people they love the most. You are strong - you can do this.
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"Better not look down, if you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down, keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back, or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving, if you don't look down" - B.B. King
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