I know he is stressed and is on the edge because he has taken over so many things because I have been cycling so much. I admit I am no picnic.

We go to counselling together, he goes on his own, I go on my own. I have talked at length about how my mood is unpredictable and I am trying my best, but sometimes, and lately it has been most times, my best isn't very good.

I am paranoid about many things, including thinking he hates me. Our issues add fuel to the delusion. Most of the time, I can tell myself it is a delusion, but when things like this happen, my mind tells me that it is just another way he shows how much he hates me.

TRIGGER

I have been struggling with obsessive thoughts of self harm that seem to come at random and get worse when I am upset or stressed. I am fighting these urges in a big way today, especially now.