I just need a place to get it all out.....
i feel so sad... i am afraid of falling back into that black hole of depression that swallows me and no matter what i do, i can't get out...
I just hate being okay and feeling good, when it never lasts. It comes and then suddenly it is ripped away and i am thrown back down.
I think i would just rather always just feel numb... no emotion because then i would never have to have anything taken away.
i have just felt like crying alot lately... i hate crying... i avoid it at all costs... it makes me feel so weak...
I feel like my depression is my life... that when i meet someone, i will not be accepted because that is something i deal with. they will turn and run. i think this keeps me from wanting a relationship... i think this is all surfacing because i just got into one, the first one in years. if he finds out... i just see him leaving... it makes me so guarded and i feel like i can't tell the truth because something might come up and then i would have to let him know.
is there any way to come to terms with mental illness? is there a way to accept it and make it a part of your life? I feel as if i am hiding the real me away and that if it comes out i will be sorry because all the people that love or care about me will turn away..

sorry for this scattered posting..