Wasn't sure where to stick this since it pretty much straddles more than one forum but since the root of it stems from depression I figured this is where it would go. If anyone thinks it belongs elsewhere, feel free to move it.

I am one of those students that most other students hate. I am an over achiever. Nothing less than perfection is good enough. I have been close with instructors and often work with them throughout the semester. I have particpated in honors conferences. I have been asked to participate in various community events in regards to equality, accessible education and then some. Since I made the decision to go back to school I have not allowed anything to get in the way of being the best I can be. However, somewhere along the line, depression pretty much derailed me. I thought I would be able to handle it but maybe not as well as I had hoped. I had a therapist some time ago and I had stopped seeing her for a few reasons. My schedule was insane and trying to work her in was just too much stress. Also, I didn't feel we were working out and things were pretty much hanging out and chatting about things that seemed really irrelevant to me. However, late this summer, when I felt like everything was falling down around me, I called her and she didn't hesitate to take me back. Since then, my life has continued to fall apart but we are doing ok. However, school has seriously suffered.

At this precise moment, I am completely unaware of what my final grades will be. I know for a fact they will not be where I feel they should be. There is no reason I should not have perfection. I know my stuff. I have the ability to succeed and nothing should be in the way. But I also realize that even if I didn't ace everything, the fact that I made it through and didn't fail should count for something. I am trying to convince myself that yes less than perfection is acceptable and in the broad scheme of things, when it comes to getting a job grades do not matter. Of course when trying to get into a Ph D program, grades will matter.

I do not have to be perfect and I cannot let this keep me from trying to move on and heal what needs to be handled right now. I have managed to survive when I really didn't want to. I have made it through the semester and will continue to move forward.

But (of course there is a but), I just wish I could do as well as I know I can.