Mustkeepjob32, College is pretty overwhelming, but then again school was too tbh. I'm not on meds or seeing a therapist because I'm too scared to go to the doctors. Pretty much noone knows that I feel this way - I'm the cheerful one and I dont share my feelings. I've been to the counseller at college before, but after a few sessions I found that I can't share personal things with a stranger. It just wasn't helping. And then as soon as she touched the subject and asked "Do you think you are depressed?" I chickened out, said "no" then never went back. But thankyou for your input and help anyway.

Unhappyguy, I may rule me, but it doesnt feel like it. Music really does seem to rule me most of all. I can't see myself ever accomplishing anything, so does that mean I'll never get out of this? Because it really does seem that way. I doubt that I will ever have a good future due to college. I'm probably going to end up in a badly paid job that I hate. Even if I had the chance to have a social life, I probably wouldnt be able to be social because I get too scared and nervous around people.
I really do try and rest, but for the past 5 years or so I havent been able to sleep for more that 5 hours a night tops.
Theres nothing that I can really reward myself with. My parents are lovely and caring and generous so I have pretty much anything someone could ever want. And food...is an idea, except for the fact that I'm overweight anyway so it wouldnt do too good for my health.
I dont feel much better after ranting, but even feeling that a tiny bit of the weight is lifted is better than nothing. Thankyou for all your advice.

billieJ, After I finish college, I have university. I'm a little scared that nothing will change and the fact that I'll no longer be living at home with my parents, that I'll have even less of a reason to continue being. But nonetheless, thankyou.