I'm so sorry ,I wish I had an answer but I don't. I do know how you feel ,I also have depression , I also hate myself for my looks,and I hate living. Some people say "snap out of it" but I think that's almost impossible.
I have had depression for last 6 years and I'm pretty sure you can't snap out of it.However I do know how you feel and I'm very sorry and send many hugs.But please don't be so down on youself,I'll try too .If you want,we can chat and talk about our problems.