Jexa, you are exactly spot on correct. T just called me and that's what she said. She said she isn't sure if she used the words "which one is worse" but that she was just trying to get a sense of which I thought would be more difficult to process. She said sometimes people have a feeling about that, and sometimes they don't.

I still have questions. I don't know how I am going to dive back into trauma processing AND go to school AND have the kids all the time. I guess how I'll do it is just moment by moment.

I told her I don't want her to be mad at me. She said "oh. no, I don't feel that way at all! Do you feel that way?" and I told her how sometimes it is hard for me to know what's real and what isn't. Like, I can make up a lot of stories in my mind about how I think she feels about me, but I don't know if they have any basis in reality. She said she understands that and that I'm doing the right thing by calling her to check in when I have questions like that.

She ended by telling me to call her if I need to or want to, which she forgot to say yesterday and yes, I guess I still needed to hear it. I feel much better now. I've been up since 3am thinking about T and making a list of what I wanted to say to her when she called me back. It's a good thing, too, because she called me at 6:40am, lol!