Hi Kmh2009 nice to meet you
yep borderline sucks - the abandonment issues, the second guessing, mistrust and allthe other parts to it - including overwhelming emotions -
do you have a therapist? i had a great one - he helped me a lot to get things under control - he retired due to il health - but i wanted you to know that things can help
Ive had CBT, NLP, DBT, Hypnotherapy, TFT, RBT, so many different types of therapy with this one therapist - and each one had somthing i could learn from and use.
there is hope for a better life
take care P7
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts 
its how many times you get back up!
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture 
)
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet