Leann~

I am hesitant to tell you my story. Because it didnt end the way I wanted to. But yet I thought about it and well I want to give you some incentive to not give up on your dream of having children either thru natural or adoptive ways. Dont ever give up on your dream like I did.I was my moms only blood child. I Wanted to give her a granchild of her own.

When I was 25 hubby and I started trying to get pregnant. He was good about having children but it wasnt a priority to him. If we did we did if not that was ok too.

After a year of trying ourselves and a couple of pregnancies that I had miscarried. We sought help. Or I did. I tried the clomid . and the HGC shots. Got pregnant once and miscarried again. Then my ob/gyn wanted to do a hysterosalpingography. Its where they shoot dye into your fallopian tubes to see if there is any blockage. Well everything turned out ok on that. And then later on I had a laparoscopy done. And things turned out fairly well on that too. I hadsome adnormal cells . So we scheduled a D&C then. I got pregnant again and then miscarried once more. I couldnt carry past 4 months. By this time my periods were erradic and lengthy. Sometimes up to 20 days out of the month. So I had to do something because it was just hindering my life so much. I wanted to go to activities and I couldnt . So in August of 2000, I had a supracervical hysterectomy. It was THE HARDEST decision I ever had to make .. to end any possibility of having my own child. My dad was so kind about it. He knew how much this hurt me. And he said Beth there is more to life than having kids. And I believed him. I thought ok. this is my chance now to focus on me and things I needed to deal with. And enjoy life to its fullest. And I've tried so hard to do that. The thing is my heart is still empty for that baby to take care of , to rock to sleep, feed , play with and watch grow up. By this time I was 32 and hubby was 41. And he decided he didnt want to have kids now . Adoption was not an option for us now. I had to give up my dream. He knew how much this hurt me. And he did his best to support me thru all the tests and treatments. But he had had enough . And in a way I didnt blame him. And this is something we both had to agree on . So I figured since he did his best to try all thos years, I would give in.

I guess what I am saying is to make sure you and hubby are on the same page ok? And Make your Dream come true!!! Ohh and btw.... 35 is never too late hon.... I was a product of 2 48 yr olds! LOL. So yeah ... it can happen!

I wish you all the luck and love in the world on this! And yes relaxing and enjoying yourself is soooooooo very important when your trying. It helps to keep the trust there. And try your best to keep it .... uhmmmm can I say HOT? LOL. That helps too!

Hugz~
Bethy