Thanks for your reply. Basically my mind is torn on whether to commit the act or not. The scary thing for me is that when I do think about commiting suicide, it makes me feel calm and at peace. Part of me, the part that knows it is wrong is quite strong, but I fear that if I reach the stage of depression that I may end up pursuing my thought. Sometimes I think my life is quite cruel. I've got a great job that pays quite well, but at the same time I've been hit with a financial problem (stocks related). So basically I'm working to pay off my debts. At the same time, the girl that I really love ( my heart feels so warm and strong, when I think about her), is my first cousin! We both have strong moral beliefs, and I know that such love is frowned on by society. But I know its not quite a sin, or a crime, its just a matter of principles. I've weighed up the costs of commiting suicide, and at this stage its still in the back of my mind. Whether I commit it or not does depend if I end up marrying the girl that I love, as for me, she is the one. I know that it may sound selfish, but I've never really been selfish before. I've always looked out for my family first, before myself. But this time is different. I know that no amount of counciling can help me. As I have a strong sense of right and wrong. And I've analysed my situation as logically as I can. Basically an individual only has one life, and their outlook and atitude towards their life depends very much on what they focus on. As everything an individual really experiences is just a state of mind. Unfortunately for me, my mind is so warped, that if I focus on something I remain focus on it until it is resolved. Thank you all for responding. At this stage the hope of being with her is what keeping me going.