Skully is right that the self perception of what is going on and happened from someone who has ADHD can be slightly skewed... perception is everything, and we don't always see the same things that "normals" see.

Couple of things.

Working memory is really super impaired in all of those who have ADHD. It's common medical knowledge, and your wife can't deny that. The inconsistency in memory and efforts and attention and focus... is COMMON knowledge with those who have ADHD. I think you need to print out some info on ADHD in adults regarding these subjects and show it to your wife. She can't deny truth. As long as you aren't making excuses for deliberately bad behavior then she can't legitimately pin that on you.

Do you take medication and are you seeing a psychotherapist? A lot of those working memory and other related ADHD issues can be dealt with if they are treated appropriately. You are not beyond hope here. I really think you should. I also don't think you should get a divorce without some sort of counseling. You aren't completely to blame and it's unfair for her to say so-- it takes TWO to make a relationship work.