Maybe it's because of the holidays, but I've been feeling bummed out lately. My kids are 11 and 13 and I am starting to feel so old. Christmas doesn't bring the joy it used to for me. Buying them toys, decorating the house, baking. We baked cookies yesterday so I'm happy about that.

But I was thinking, we didn't have anyone over last christmas to see the house. This year so far, same thing. My husband and I really don't have any friends anymore. We used to get christmas cards, I sent out a whole box and just got back 2 so far (from our mothers). There's a neighborhood open house this year like last year, but when I go to a party, I have nothing to talk about. I talk for a little while, but then my brain dries up and there's nothing left to say. I just want to leave after 5-10 minutes.

I have no extended family anymore. My mom moved to Florida this year and my sister lives in another state. My husband has family but they're not considered friends or anything.

I had a terrible thought last night while I lay in bed. IN a few years I may be all alone on the holidays. I'm thinking about divorcing for financial reasons (husband can't pay income taxes). If my kids move away when they're older, I may be all alone and it's so frightening. They're all I got. The other day I got angry with them caause they never help out around the house and I told them I couldn't wait till this grew up and got out of my house. I feel so horrible. But I feel like an unpaid servant.

I know there's nothing you guys can do for me but I just wanted to type out my feelings here.

Thank you for reading this lengthy message.