Our condition has such a lovely reputation.

I never disclose now. I did a few times when I was younger and it never, ever, ever came to good. There was at least 50/50 understanding with bipolar, but not with borderline Maybe the general population thinks bipolars only go wildly energetic once every five years or so, they only see a certain, almost glamorous side of that condition. The glamour we get, though, is ....sleazy or sort of, I don't know--goth? Sex and self-harm?

In any case, we're often treated like we're not really people (if they only knew how true that feels for us ). When people know my diagnosis, it feels to me like I became a sort of a game to them. And sometimes it even feels like that with my therapist.

Because of the characteristics of our condition, once we become self-aware, we question whether we're paranoid--or whether it's real; we question whether we're manipulating or asking; we question whether we are asking for what we really want--or if it's hiding underneath (have you had that experience? It's a real shocker when the curtain parts...an "Oh my god was that what I was doing???); we wonder whether people really mean nice things they say, or if they're caretaking because they know we take a dive when we feel rejected; conversely, we never know if we really made a blunder, or their having a sadistic moment because they know it will really hit us hard and it's fun to poke us.

SO, I've been making a list (and checking it twice!) and here's what I think: It is extremely important for us to pay attention to what we know we need (--and what good therapists will tell us, too) and to try to name it; to have ongoing, reliable support; to stay up to date on the current therapeutic treatments for bpd and for their success rates--or to work with someone who will do it for us (but specialists in bpd are few and hard to find); it is important for us to find meaningful ways to contribute to the quality of our own lives and to the lives of those around us so that we can point to achievements to remind ourselves that we are worthy (because we so often don't believe we are); it is important for us to learn and follow recognizably responsible ways of communicating, so that we have a script to follow when our emotions are spinning our heads around--and those scripts make us coherent to others, too, btw (because we didn't always say what we thought we did, and we didn't always hear what we thought they said); AND always, always, always, important for us to have reliable ways to comfort ourselves.

[PC says I'm out of room for icons....so, imagine hugs and hearts and love from here on out}

((((((So, I'm wondering if you can relate to this?))))) Are there things we should add, whether you'd like to work on ways to unpack it in individual threads. Is that something you're interested in? I'm doing some of this work in the borderline support chat, but people can't always make the time...

.................and there's that darned stigma......even here......

(((((((((((((((all bpd'rs))))))))))))))))