I've always been a worrier. I've had a couple anxiety attacks in the past, but have only recently discovered what anxiety really is.

I wake up with a knot in my stomach almost every morning. During the day, my chest will get tight/tense and sometimes I'll have heart palpitations. I find that my foot will shake trying to disperse some of the "energy". Sometimes, I have minor trembling.

I have an appointment to get a C-Pap today for my sleep apnea. I want to cancel. I don't want to have to deal with people and go out in the real world. Due to my depression, I've been mostly apartment bound for a few years. Only go out to get groceries and for necessary appointments.

Applied for disability. Denied. Still in appeals. Feels bleak. This new form of anxiety started when I began to realize that it's unlikely I won't get disability. Now I might be forced to participate in the world because I won't be able to support myself if I don't get a job. That means dealing with people EVERY DAY. I have a poor work record. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get a job.

Moved six months ago. Got a new therapist here. Didn't like her. Started a new therapist last week. The first appointment was mostly history. Worried about this appointment.

Wish someone would say it was okay to be alone in my apartment for the rest of my life or for me to choose when I wanted to come out instead of being forced to participate for the next 30 or 40 years.