"Wish someone would say it was okay to be alone in my apartment for the rest of my life or for me to choose when I wanted to come out instead of being forced to participate for the next 30 or 40 years."

Is the wish that you could stay in your apartment forever really how you feel or is that the anxiety talking?

I've been down that path before, and I don't want to be there again. I found my room to be my safe zone and just thinking of leaving it would be an automatic panic attack. I was always alone, flunked some college classes, and couldn't even go to the bathroom down the hall without panic.

A few tips:
Make a list of things you want to accomplish and do them no matter what. If you avoid it, you will make it worse. It will help you realize that you can do anything you set your mind to and the anxiety doesn't control you. Also try try meditation/deep relaxation before bed and/or waking up and consider seeing a psychiatrist since meds can be really helpful for reducing of removing anxiety once you find one that works for you. You may be worried about the therapist now, but give it a chance and you may find some good words of wisdom.

I understand this is difficult to deal with. I am here if you need any help.