Oh, 3! I am so sorry!
It IS the condition. The bad outweighs the good SOMETIMES. Obviously, most of the time it doesn't.
I think 80% of us have been exactly where you are (OK, different people, BUT), and it is completely understandable.
Got that? You listening?
So....give this at least a day, with the mom. Your boyfriend seems to get it....
Are you in therapy? Can you point to that as evidence that you are trying to learn better skills? If you're not in therapy, are you comfortable saying that you ARE trying to learn better skills? AND I promise you that if you do make a commmitment to learning better skills, your life will become better. PC is a great place to get help with that. I know I roam the site, getting help and solutions where I can, and sharing hugs and support (cause I need it so much, too) when and where I can.
WE love ya, and this is the place to be. How is it with your boyfriend? And how is it with his friend?
I ask because there are two other points here: one is the anxiety over any damage you may have done to your relationship--and my advice on that is: DO NOT get ahead of yourself on that. Let it unfold. Don't push anyone to say anything now. Just lots of hugs and support all around. NO JUDGMENTS.
The other point is this, I know you are disappointed in yourself in terms of "ruining" the formal. I know how that must hurt. But the formal was only an opportunity to let yourselves be lovely and to give your whole attention over to the beauty of the night. You can have more, and you will have more. That celebration does not depend upon a group effort--it happens as a group effort when you're so young, because who the heck has the resources to pull of a fantasy ballroom and so on like that....But: a couple doesn't need a ballroom. They need about 10 feet. And who needs a coursage? wouldn't you rather wear the flowers in your hair (which you can do any time you want) and be given a bouquet that won't get smashed and bruised and ruined in just one night? You can make these nights for yourselves. You don't need permission to do that. You get to do that and you can do it for each other, or you can plan it together....and you can even give him flowers! DO NOT let this pain escalate beyond regret for a milestone. Yes, the formal was an important night. Was it the most important opportunity for romance you will have? Oh, I don't think so!!! Not by a long shot! Let it be what it was. (And it sure was something, wasn't it!) But don't let is be more than it was.
Lots of love, sweetheart