okay, i just don't look at t, i came close last week and looked at his shoes, i just cannot do it, i feel way to unmasked.. like he can see all the bads and it isn't fair to make him listen and look at me...

t has only mentioned once, a long time ago. i have a "safe spot" on his rug that i stare at..

if my self-esteem isn't in the gutter than sometimes i will look up through my hair. but that is about it....

others have talked of actually "gazing" into t's eyes, actually feels really cool when others talk about it...