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Dec 16, 2010, 10:43 PM
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Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: Over the Rainbow
Posts: 62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elana05
So... I have looked at maybe five jobs in the last three months. Three resumes out and two applications for retail jobs. Of course, no responses. Pretty half-hearted attempt by me. Instead (to be honest) I have been more focused on trying to study some math and chemistry on my own in order to ready myself for classes/ in hope of going back to school. Good idea? Terrible idea? Don't know. It's just what I am doing when I have any energy.
Should I stretch the truth by telling her I have looked at more like fifteen or so jobs in the last three months??
I just want to have this slide by.
I am using all of the energy I have just to show up at her house for a week and be pleasant. I don't have any energy left to sit and bear the brunt of her screaming at me.
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Elana05 
I so, so identify! Your mother obviously doesn't understand the nature of depression.  My personal feeling is that abusive parents don't deserve the truth because they don't want to hear it. Please don't feel guilty at all about stretching the truth. If she nags for details then I encourage you to draw some boundaries, as in "I really don't feel like going into it." Also feel free to use the economy as part of your explanation. Even she can't argue with that!
Please also don't let her demanding and clueless attitude make you feel any kind of guilt over how you're dealing with your depression or obligation to do more about looking for a job. Trust your feelings. If you don't really feel up to looking for one and you don't have a financial need to get one then it's clearly not the right time yet for you to be pursuing work.
I believe that when we listen to our intuition and our heart, no matter how much our head is nagging us, we're led in the direction that we need to go in. Believe me, please, that it's taken me so long to learn this! Last year, I was scrambling to pick up 35 hours of work a week because I felt I had to (my job is seasonal). There were other goals I wanted to pursue, but I had very little energy and time to do that. For months, I just sat there wishing I could work less hours. Finally, I checked (and rechecked, and rechecked) my finances and decided to go down to 29 hours a week, a big deal for me. Well, I haven't fallen into debt, and I can still pay my monthly bills, and I have some time to pursue my goals. My heart knew what was right. I caused myself a lot of grief by ignoring it.
So please don't feel obligated to tell your mother the truth, and please don't feel like you're doing anything wrong by honoring where you are now emotionally regarding the job situation. You deserve to show yourself love and respect.
Stay strong!
Rainbow
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