I am wondering about other's thoughts and experiences with this:

Most often when I am depressed, I am sleepy and foggy brained. I feel ******, and may have suicidal ideation, but sleep suffices.

Then sometimes I feel wide awake, alert, extremely clear headed, AND have suicidal ideation. I believe these are the times of the greatest danger. Suicide seems to be 100% rational. The only thing that stops me is the horrible impact on my family and friends. (BTW, I am NOT in this state now!)

I had an extended period (years) of this state of depression about 15 years ago where I did extensive preparation by documenting everything I was responsible for and teaching it all to my wife. I was getting my finances organized, upping my insurance, basically writing myself out of the world. It was the responsibility to my family that prevented my suicide.

Does this sound familiar to you? How do you deal with it?

I find it frightening that this will recur to me and now that my children are independant, my resolve will not hold up.

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