I have a brother who has been in need of help for years. He made some initial attempts, but always came back with "they don't know anything," "no meds have worked or will ever work," and "I don't have the money to waste." He has isolated himself from family, and on the rare contact I do have with him, he makes a point of telling me how absolutely miserable he is while at the very same time refusing any help at all- even talking over me when I try to talk with him. There have been some very disturbing passive aggressive scenes with him.

It seems that my sister and I would have the same conversation every year, wondering if he was now at the point ready for change and to accept help etc.. And then finally it hit me. Maybe this IS who he is. I mean, after 25 years, isn't it possible that this is his personality? Do you know what I mean? WE think he is miserable; he is certainly negative and seems severely depressed. But now I am wondering if this is just who he is. He doesn't want to change, even though he acknowledges that he's in constant crisis. It's poor me poor me no you can't help me go away poor me. I'm guessing that he has become so comfortable with his misery that he does not want to give it up.When he lived near me I did everything possible to try to help him through some really rough spots. Eventually it was all about him just wanting everyone to see how awful things are for him; it's like he really wants us to feel bad and helpless. I have to admit I was glad when he moved away because my own issues were overwhelming as it was.

Sorry, I didn't mean to digress... I guess my point is that sometimes other people see the need for change in someone, and yet the person does not see it the same way, or does not want it, or is actually content with things. I know this sounds terrible, but as bad as things have gotten for him, I have never worried about him ending his life, because I don't think he wants to give up the misery he seems to feed upon. At times he has made it sound like he is basically living in a hole (a real hole), yet I often suspect that he is not really sharing what is actually happening in his life. He throws it all out at your door, and leaves it there for you.Geez, now I feel really guilty. I miss the little brother I had when I was younger, but maybe now I miss someone who is not actually there.