Please, never go back to someone who has ever been abusive. They will behave themselves at first, but eventually they will return to their abusive ways. Several reconciliation attempts with my children's father told me this, without a doubt. He would promise he had changed, treat me like a queen at first, but gradually he would begin his mind games, his teasing, his provoking. The more something annoyed me, the funnier he thought it was to keep on doing it. That was the early warning signal. After that would come the temper, the verbal abuse, the name-calling. Next, the controlling. Finally, if I let the relationship last that long, the hitting. I ended the last reconciliation attempt at the first sign of teasing, knowing it meant he hadn't changed. Having known him for almost 30 years now, I think it's safe to say he won't. Nor is he likely to stay clean and sober for more than a few months.

Nowadays I won't even be friends with him. He has serious boundary issues and would try to worm his way into my life to a much larger degree than I would want him. I am now in a healthy marriage, and I'm not about to sacrifice that just because I feel sorry for the loser. If he's in a bad position, he put himself there.

My daughter is experiencing similar issues in letting go of her own children's father, who is abusive. She'll try to be "just friends" with him, but he gradually works his way back in, and eventually the abuse returns. It's sad that history is repeating itself. I know I set the bad example, but I am hoping she will now learn from my good one.

Just don't do it. As you already know, it is better to be alone than in an abusive relationship.