Broken_again,

Successful relationships are very difficult. You seem to have a known problem which he has finally drawn the line that he will not take any more of what was happening. At this point, fighting for him is not the answer. You need to really understand yourself. If you want him for the rest of your life, then you need to look at yourself, get some help & figure out what changes need to be worked on to make the relationship compatable from both sides. It does sound like a majority of the change needs to come from you in the way you treat him. Then the question is.....you have known this is a problem.....why did you continue until he finally drew the line telling you he wouldn't take it anymore? Do you really want the relationship to work or is there a reason why you continued acting the way you did, knowing that the relationship would be ended & you wouldn't be the one doing the ending of it?

I am in a 30 year marriage (yes, 30 years) that is finally ending. There are things that were there from the beginning, & I would point them out as problems in the relationship (on both sides). They would end up being ignored, then something else related to the previous problem would come up again. Finally 3 years ago, I was pushed into a depression reaction. Once I recognized what was happening, I finally drew the line. Saying if the changes didn't happen, that was going to be the end. Well, I waited a bit, trying to observe any positive movement towards a change. Nothing......I had some horrible issues I went through on my own during that time, otherwise I would have hired the lawyer sooner.

His comment about changing was that he couldn't change & that it is just him & that I would just have to accept it. He is always saying that it is just the way he is.....but the part about the not being able to change is BS. I know that if one wants to make a change in themselves they can. It is not a matter of can't, but a matter of won't.

If you really, truely, more than anything, want something, the change can be made.....if you really don't care that much, then you won't make the change.

Only you can make that determination. It is good to have a forum like this to run your thoughts past & get reactions as a way to formulate in your own mind what you want for yourself. I hope you can come to terms with this relationship for your own future happiness.

Debbie