I met her over a year ago and not only was she awesome but she was nice to me. She actually liked me, if I can believe what she said and did. She was the first woman I had any kind of non-platonic relationship. And no one since. I was 31 at the time, I don't really get that many opportunities. I use online dating. And even with that volume, I'm batting single digit percentages in people who would actually respond to my messages and about the same percentage of those who actually will meet. When we do, its like there too similar to me. I would love to meet a complement, not a clone. So, nothing really comes of it, the feeling is just not there for me.

I fear that me being a "nice" guy drove her away. Like she wanted me to grab hold of her and take control, but I was shy, and still am. It didn't help either that I was on SSRI and my libido was flowing like mud, the really slow moving mud that moves an inch a month. Nor did it help that I was travelling a lot for work, so we didn't see each other consistently. She had a lot of stressful things going on in her life at the time and so she ended saying that she didn't really have time for a relationship. I don't know if she was being nice about it, but like I said, nothing she said or did indicated to me that she was pulling away, until she just stopped responded to any attempt to get in touch with her for almost 3 weeks. She then apologized for that and broke it off, with a final sentence that has just become a knife to me since, even though it was very nice. Anyway, since then I have attempted to get in touch with her a few times, to no success. In my heart and mind, I totally could've married her at some point and been content. I gues I didn't get enough time with her, maybe I would have seen the bad side. But in my mind, I lost the greatest woman I have ever met, and it was very likely my fault(though I can find a lot of things to be my fault if I try hard enough).

I guess, I'm stuck on her because she didn't say she didn't want to be with me, i.e. we're just not working out, it was a reluctantly phrased good bye, like, "your really great but I just can't continue..." The other part of it is that if she was being "nice" about it, then what about me drove her away. There is nothing worse then getting in the way of your own happiness, especially if it was something that I don't like about myself but haven't been able to change, like being "nice" or shy, or not as outgoing.

I am in therapy, since before I met her, and have gone off the meds a few months ago. The kicker is, on the meds I won't feel this loss, but I can't stay on them forever and have felt that it was too much of an artificial block of the bad feelings. I wasn't learning to deal with them, just muting them.

I just wish she wasn't nice about it, that's the worst.